I had scheduled to post this tomorrow, but due to my Quilt-Magic post just somehow disappearing, I am posting this tonight. I will be re-typing that Quilt-Magic post and re-posting hopefully tomorrow.
In the meantime, here’s an insight to my life and my thoughts. I hope it helps you see where I come from and just know a little bit more about me.
NCIS is quite the popular show in this household, I’ve seen most of the episodes at least twice.. But this episode in particular , “Life Before His Eyes“, got me to ponder heavily on the choices I’ve made in my life.
In this episode, Gibbs is at a diner drinking coffee, when a male in a hoodie walks up to him and points a gun at him. As he shoots Gibbs, time stops, the bullet stopped in midair, and Gibbs can then see ghosts of people who have been in his life, including his mentor, his wife and daughter. His mentor, Mike, talks him through what’s going on, about questioning his choices and decisions. It’s quite the episode, with each “ghost” having a significant role in Gibbs life and how everything unfolded. He goes through the timeline of his life and is presented with a vision as to what his life COULD HAVE been if he had made different choices.
This episode made me start to ponder on my life, as I sat in my recliner watching this episode, I cried… I cried a puddle of tears on my shirt that Raymond kept licking through the entire episode. I don’t have a long list of regrets, but I do wonder as to what my life would be like if I made different choices. We all think about stuff like that, right?
I have been frustrated, at times, when I think about how I believe my life SHOULD be, instead of living my life for today. Instead of being grateful for where I am at today, I’m mad about where I am NOT.. Who does that?
I foresee a handful of changes in my future and I’m scared…
I confess this here because a lot of this , I believe, has to do with my obsession of quilting and wanting to keep busy.
I read somewhere that our happiness is, unfortunately, measured in our minds based on how successful we are in the real world. When we aren’t happy with what we’ve achieved in the real world, we overlook and forget to be happy for things we have achieve in our “virtual world”, virtual as in things we do that won’t change the world, but make us happy in our minds.
In my “virtual world”, I am as happy as can be: not having the need to work a job I would hate or grow tired of, learning how to be a homemaker, running a household, raising three amazing furrbabies, learning how to sew and make things for my family and friends.
In the real world, I feel as if I’m sitting around letting life pass me by, not working or going to school for anything that would deem me “successful” in the worlds eye.
My mind is constantly looking for things to do to please others and what to say that would be the RIGHT thing to say or do.. And it’s become exhausting..
As a young woman growing up, I was always looking for approval and acceptance.. Wanting people to notice me and approve of what I did. I think that that’s a common human tendency, to want to be noticed, complimented and “approved of”.
But that’s not healthy to a certain extent… I’ve grown to be a codependent person so much, that now leaves me scared to go anywhere alone and I can’t continue doing that to myself..
When I turned 21, I attempted to evaluate my life and assure myself that I was on a good path. You know what happened?
I got upset that I hadn’t met my Mr.Right yet, that I hadn’t started a family yet… That’s my “virtual reality” scenario of where I think I should be.
I want to change that, I want to be happy for me, and be happy for where I am at NOW.
Because I truly am leading a healthy, stable life and I have absolutely no reason to be unhappy.
I enjoy sewing and quilting because it allows me to be happy, and so what if the world doesn’t see that as me leading a “successful” lifestyle. Learning how to sew and quilt, making things for family and friends keeps me satisfied! Knowing that I made blankets for my siblings and they sleep with it every night, that helps me sleep good at night!
Maybe I’m not an expert sewer or quilter, maybe I will own a quilt shop someday, maybe I’ll even be the Eleanor Burns of my generation, who knows! But I will stress on my decisions NO MORE!
I want you all to know that I feel comfortable opening myself to the world and speaking my mind. I truly appreciate what blogging has led me to, meeting such kind people all around the world. Thank you so much for your comments and likes and messages, it really helps me stay positive, become inspired!
I hope to rid myself of thoughts of regrets and those darn “what-if’s” and live for now!
I’m going to strive on a path that makes ME happy, and I want to document it all, I hope you don’t mind me blogging about my thoughts.
If you have read all the way to here, I am giving you a warm hug in my mind! I truly appreciate everything that everyone’s done for me in my life!
I will NOT second guess myself anymore, I will NOT not speak my mind, and I will definitely NOT do something to please everyone except me.
So off I go I into this big world, and I WILL be happy! 🙂
As I finish this post, my babies lay next to me keeping me company<3 gosh, I truly love them! They are always here for me, Raymond always licks my tears as Jeanie plays with my toes. Lol I'm going to cuddle with my babies and have a great nights sleep! Goodnight everybody!
Toodles for now,
Diana, Jeanie and Ray<3